Posts Tagged ‘trust’

We used to live here together
Your eyes were my vision
My heart was your understanding
Static amity, common territory, shared silence
In a union fuelled by integrity intense
Your inner world was locked with my key
And mine yours. (more…)

So let’s deal with trust, because its pivotal to your life actually. I’ve heard that “trust is earned”, you must “work to be trusted”. These phrases  are interesting for one reason: They put the entire responsibility of building trust on one person, the other guy! Where are YOU in all this talk of trust? Aren’t you the one who does the trusting? Yes of course the other person plays a part in completing the equation, but it starts with you, and the resultant answer to that equation is in you! So, I propose a new statement for this thing we call trust.

Trust is an opportunity you give to another person. It’s the empowering of an individual to take part in your life.

It’s not something that starts outside of you, people are different in different in different situations. So you must provide the situation! You must be the one to let them enter that space in your life. Often when we give access to people without realising it, that’s when we’re hurt the most. With this method though, you are fully aware of what’s happening, it’s taken place with your conscious consent. You’re refusing to be stuck alone in the dark, and not waiting for a stranger, or some anomalous relationship that pops out of nowhere with a big bang, sweeping your heart up in rapturous emotions only to be let down gently….no….thrown down hard! Your heart is YOUR responsibility! Nobody else’s. Should someone be doing anything there, it should be because YOU wanted them there, not because they ‘worked’ their way in. You let them in THEN they work!

Revolutionary right? Well here’s the next part I’m going to throw at you.

You are the ONLY way someone will learn how to be trusted by you, so you must teach a person how to be trusted by you.

This is the same in any kind of relationship. It’s to your advantage that this person(s) learns what standards you accept. You must be have a PhD in your own heart! Many people fail at friendships or relationships, not because they were misunderstood, but because they were terrible at communicating themselves. It’s easy to blame the next person, but the next person is sometimes following the script you feed them! Hard truths, but you need to know this, or else you will be ALONE FOREVER! You might be surrounded by people, you may even get married, but you’ll always know there’s a part of you that’s unknown by the rest of the world (because you never showed them…but you’ll never admit that. It’s all their fault…right?).

Therefore, ‘alone’ is a mental state more than a physical one. That’s why you can still feel isolated in a crowd. It’s that blindness to the rest of the world, the dead end right in front of you, and all around you, the failure to see any correlation between your current surroundings (physically and emotionally), and your desired path/destination.

As you grant a friend or loved one that opportunity, understand there’s room for mistakes. I doubt you’ve ever treated anyone perfectly. What should liberate you is this: you are there to help them help you!

Your fear of being hurt, or led astray, is somewhat realistic, because all of that is possible… But think of this: how much better are your chances if the person helping you had expert knowledge of the way your heart works and what it needs to move forward? You are that expert. Teach them!

You will invariably come to dark places in your life, but it could be an opportunity for you to realise that you don’t have to be alone for long. The darkness can be navigated – with help!

No dead end is permanent. Unless you allow it to be. Someone’s willing to catch you when you’re falling. If you’re fortunate, there’ll be many to make sure you don’t hit rock bottom.

Become an expert on YOU, and you will be able to train up your help, for those times you can’t help yourself.

Remember “stuck in the mud”? You have to help your friends get to you. They want you free so that the game can continue. If you stay stuck, your friends and family also lose! Whatever led you to the dark corners, may have been hard, or even absolutely destructive, but your life is still here on this Earth, you deserve to move on, not by virtue of morality or feeling, but by virtue of being ALIVE!