Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Progress: Door handles. Goal: Keyhole! "I'm sure if I stepped on the ledge I'd get there, but somehow I still want to reach it myself!"

It’s been quite a year for some of us. That could be good or bad depending on what’s happened. Yet I’m sure pretty much all of us have experienced some sort of rejection in a way. Not just rejection out of nowhere, but rejection where you put time and effort into being accepted. This would cover things like applications of any kind (job, school, programs..etc), or relationships (whether family, friends or significant other). It could even be as hard as a Dream you worked on, and it keeps failing you. Whichever the case, closed doors are something we encounter and aren’t always ready for. (more…)

Recently i was sitting at my laptop enjoying my new adventure of having internet in my room. Being able to check out various sites, work on my blogs, keep my updates up-to-date, amongst other semi-serious endeavours. A chat I’d been semi-paying attention to suddenly turned serious. A friend of mine had gone through some relationship trouble, and it finally hit a climax with the inevitable “break up”. The guy was destroyed! Kept talking about all the things she said, and how he felt so useless. He was totally in love with her, and believed it was all his fault. Then he said, “Maybe I’m not worth it.”

This statement shook me, because it was clear the lady was clueless about what she had (immaturity I guess), but more so I also realised that in light of our Dream and Destiny, there’s a lot of things that we are worth, and to believe otherwise has the impact of blinding us to the precious lessons and opportunities that lie before us, and those to come (LONG sentence!). (more…)

Have you ever been asked a question about your Dreams and Desires, and started responding with “Uuuummmmmm…” or, “Weeeeeelllllll…” or even, “You seeeee…”??
Weeeeeellllll let me tell you that you’re suffering from a lack of Clarity, a symptom of which is ‘extended versions of common terms, mimicking the effects of a speech impediment’. In other words, you don’t REALLY know what you want.

We all glorify ‘having an idea’ of what you want, but don’t demand a concise description of that idea. Being as exact and as brief as you takes you out of pit of talking too much (which is a topic I really do justice in my earlier post!), which is important because talking TOO much takes everyone on a journey up into mid-air, and leaves us all there! (more…)

Letting Go

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Paths To Conquer
Tags: , , ,

If there is anything you will struggle with no matter how stable/rich/happy/wise you are, it’s ‘letting go’. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship gone sour, a divorce, the demise of a project you put everything into…this fact of life will haunt you without prejudice! It catches you by surprise sometimes like life carrying on as usual, then in a single moment your stability is swept away from you! Sometimes, it makes you suffer in the agony of knowing it will come like a close family member suffering from an illness for months before they pass away. Yet at other times it can taunt you like a pending decision from a court case in which you are the defendant. Whichever way it comes, the resulting reality is that it forcefully removes something/someone in your life that was part of what you became comfortable with.

That is exactly why it’s so hard, because we ‘settle in’ to people and environments and can’t imagine what it would be like without them. Literally, your mind will not have the imagination or the capacity to paint a reliable picture of what the experience would be like to carry on without that entity.

(N.B. when I say ‘imagine’ I’m also including the emotions, and thoughts that come with the reality you’re trying to picture. It is important to note this as you continue reading.)

Ladies, when he loves you and says “I can’t imagine my life without you”, he actually can’t! What he’s telling you is “I’ve got no clue what my heart would feel or how my everyday experience would be without your part in it. I’ve settled in the thought of you being present so much that it’s now an inextricable truth of my mind that you are here! I’m not so clever – or so heartless – that I could extract you mentally from my life, without coming to a mental block, a dark place that has no definition and doesn’t require one. If i put ‘without you’ into my life’s equation right now, my systems would crash!”

Ok, that was extremely soppy, but I think you get the message. And YES it works both ways too, in case any of you thought I was chauvinist. We can get so comfortable with family, friends, work environments, items of furniture, even TV programmes…to the extent that removing them is never a conscious option in our minds, and even if we tried, we’d hit that mental brick wall! Ten times out of ten! In some cases, it’s necessary to remove that entity, yet the brick wall stops us, refusing to let us see what the chances are that life could actually just…..go on. In some cases, you can’t stop the event from happening. People die. Economies change. Presidents come and go…well at least most of them. STUFF HAPPENS! Your control of life beyond yourself is at a permanent low. There will always be a loved one that passes on, or a friend that becomes distant, or a test you don’t score well in, or a job you’ll lose, or a series that’s cancelled (Heroes). Whether its one, a combination of, or all of these things, something will happen to you that disrupts your comfort. And it will be so hard because for better or for worse, because you can’t imagine life beyond what you’re comfortable with! You can maybe paint a picture, but you won’t easily recreate the experience in your mind. The brick wall is strong, it’s been there for millennia, causing anomalies of some kind in every life and every place.

People in abusive situations will stay after a while, because somewhere along the line, they could no longer imagine a life without abuse. The wall was put up, brick by brick, and so they settle in to a life of abuse, saying to it “I can’t imagine life without you!” Successful people become even more successful as they continue their lives, because a wall was built against failure. They look at success and say “I can’t imagine life without you!” Mediocre minds stay exactly where they are because they have become immune to the desires of success, or the depths  of failure. They are stuck in the middle, and they say to that existence, “I can’t imagine life without you!”

In fact, you’d be shocked at what your mind has settled with. Style of clothing, types of entertainment, genres of books (or none at all), colours, climates, sounds…..the list is endless. Your life has built its own mansion full of the people and things you’ve settled with! If just one item is missing, no matter how insignificant, life is just not the same anymore. Losing anything destroys your carefully crafted balance. That balance is what you and I know more commonly as our comfort zones. More on that in another blog. What I’m showing you is that with all these ‘comforts’, letting go of something is inevitable. Sometimes it’s good to let go where it is destructive, sometimes it’s bad for you where it’s helping…but all times, it’s hard! Literally you are letting go of a part of yourself, because you put that thing into your ‘mansion’, you decided which room it would sit in and who could see it. What’s worse, is you built that brick wall that protected it so well!

Letting go of someone you love, or of something you’ve created, will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience. Not only is there a brick wall, there’s the investment lost. This investment is everything (money, emotions, time, imagination…etc) you’ve put into the relationship or venture. It’s hard to let go because you also have to let go of all you put in. Time is a tough investment to let go of. Years can literally disappear before your eyes. Hope is an investment, that allows you to build expectations for something to happen a certain way. Letting go of all the plans you had, is also intensely hard, because those plans are what you chose, despite all the options you had. It’s hard to let go because it sometimes leaves you wondering “what was the point? All that time… All those emotions… All those plans… What was the point?”

An investment lost of any kind can lead to a type of regret, even if the circumstances surrounding the loss were impossible to avoid or predict. It’s easy to feel as though you would have been better off without putting in the investment. Let me give you a quote I once read:

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

Whatever comes to an end in your life, be grateful you had the experience. It’s easy to hold on. You don’t need anyone to teach you that. You breathe everyday of your life simply because your very biology is holding on to life. Holding on is almost reflex when you think about it. Even long after something’s over, we hold on by looking back to the past. There’s a way of doing this that appreciates the experience for what it taught you, or even to help others, but for the most part, we do this in the negative way. The way that makes us long for that place again. The latter method is unhealthy, and keep you stuck in the past. Here’s another interesting quote I read about this:

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. – Michael Cibenko

Wow! The future could run out on us? This shows me that if we don’t let go, the investment continues, we put time, emotions, and hopes into something that’s already gone! How stupid must THAT look from a spectator’s point of view? The thing about putting time into something, is that you can never get that time back! It’s NEVER coming back! All that time thinking, wishing, living like you’re unlucky, staying in depression…IT’S NEVER COMING BACK! You’re putting your money into a fake bank account, all that’s gonna happen is you’ll discover you’ve been cheated! Can I tell you something else? You’re the one that set up that bank account (Ouch! This is painful..!!).

Your experiences, once they have past, have only a few good uses…all of which revolve around educating you. If used wisely, being able to let go, and see the value in the lessons learnt more than the pain felt, you could become an immensely wise and insightful individual. Letting go allows you to redecorate your inner mansion, breathe new life into you, and bring back that sense of possibility and wonder.

You owe it to your future to let go!

By accepting a person or a dream into your heart, you made a choice that this was it. You settled, and left possibility outside. This is fine because we make choices. But when you lose something important to you, don’t be foolish and leave possibility outside still! Get out there and discover what your heart truly desires again. You might even need to build an entirely new mansion! That’s an exciting adventure, just waiting for you….

…waiting for you, to let go.