Of What Good…

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

The issue of being ‘remembered’ or ‘recognised’ burns brightly in the hearts of most people. It’s not a selfish desire. In fact I don’t try to label an honest desire within one’s heart as ‘selfish’, as they come from somewhere that is real to that individual.

I’ve had thoughts of how my life may look in the next few years, and even many years from now. I realise that the length of my life isn’t as important as the usefulness of it, and if I’m going to look back at 80yrs old and question my usefulness, I might as well do it now. Right?

It’s easy to get to this place, the place of wondering, questioning yourself. Are your motives pure, are your desires in check, are people going to benefit (especially family)…? All these questions are easy to ask. The problem is answering them. The hard part is your response to the questioning, because that’s where true character lies.

Part of what I ask myself now (since I’ll do it in 50 years time as well, and probably every few years between now and then) is this: How have I done so far?

This will be a mixed bag of sweets and poison, because you HAVE to address the issue of usefulness. I think it’s dangerous to try “do something new” without addressing what you’ve “done up until now”. And that’s going to be a source of pain sometimes, but also a valuable source of reality and wisdom to be learnt.

In my own life, I felt proud of some of the things I had achieved…until I had to address what I had ALLOWED. What we allow will determine the environment we live in, the way we are treated, and eventually what you believe of yourself! There were many things I wasn’t happy with in my life. The unfortunate truth is most of them, were things I LET happen. It would shatter me at times (as it would anybody facing the hard facts) that a lot of the things I complained about were actually MY fault.

It led me to ask this question: Of what good..?

Of what good were those thought processes that I believed would keep me out of trouble? Of what good was my decision not to confront the things that bothered me deep in my heart? Of what was it to act as though things are fine, and yet have imaginary arguments in my head with the people that were disrupting my stability?

Then finally: Of what good would it be to change my life, and yet NOT change my mind?

That was the proverbial “final nail in the coffin”. What’s the point? Changing my life, heading in a new direction, trying something different – if I don’t address the biggest problem I have.. Myself!

It makes a large difference when you HONESTLY trace the faults in your life.
– So what if that friend turned out to be a total ass! YOU were the one that kept trying to change them!
– You found out your job had no future? Well what took you so long to leave?? What??? You’re STILL THERE???!!!
– Your family were abusive before you were even born! So why on earth are you acting as though they’re going to stop just because you’re hurting? That’s what they’re good at! Stop accepting it and either move out or slap somebody! (If they’re smaller than you! Hahahaha!)

I’d love to tell you that if you just make new decisions it would be easy. Truth is you probably need a new MIND! People say the phrase “I changed my mind” quite often. It is a possibility, but it’s not easy at all!

Maybe you need to ask yourself: Honestly, of what good have I been to myself up until now?

Come on. Ask!

Over.

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Comments
  1. Life passes by so quick, you old before you know it. I wanted to do things and i said i’ll do it in a few years, they passed and nothing was done.

    • khomotjo says:

      dribblingpensioner:
      Thanks Sir for your reply.I am going to use that last sentence:”…i said I’d do in a few years,they passed and nothing was done” as a personal reminder and motivation to move.

      Maze
      Awesome work:)).I enjoy reading your work.I appreciate the clarity in your posts and the flow of thought.
      As a young adult ,I find myself at that place best described by Robert Frost as “two roads diverging in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both ..” I’ve had to think do I choose comfort/the way things are or do I choose to confront “HARD,UNCORMFORTABLE(the list goes on)…” issues for a possibility of something better.It is not easy but changing the way I think has been pivotal.

      • The Maze says:

        Hey Khomotjo
        Choices are a strange animal indeed, and all offer some measure of reward. And your mindset will easily determine what kind of choice you will make. Checking where your heart/mind is, and then aligning that with your desires in life, will help out… But be honest with yourself, asking the right questions.

        The Maze

  2. @ khomotjo, no problem use it if you like it πŸ™‚

    • The Maze says:

      You are proving Quite popular hey!
      Your statement is one I’ll definitely be pondering, I’ve already got a few things I’ve ‘missed’, but I really don’t want to let that list pile up too much now. It’s so easy to get distracted from your own desires, because life just demands so much of you.

      The Maze

  3. Tshepiso says:

    this leads to definite self-introspection πŸ™‚

    @ dribblingpensioner: thank you for your eye-opening thoughts.

  4. T says:

    Thanks Maze. Thanks for helping me realise that while a lot of people ask the hard questions (and get stuck) few answer them.

    When I ask about my usefulness, my responsiblity, my role in this life, mostly I feel a sense of pain, of under-achievement. This gets me stuck in limbo, in a mood or depression.

    And that’s where I probably need to start asking “of what GOOD have I been to myself up until now” that is for me Remembering and Celebrating the Good… not just the Bad and the Ugly, taking out the thank-you notes, and photos and texts, and relishing my usefulness(!)

    By doing this, myabe we can positively motivate ourselves to change, to asking the question again or in a slightly different, even empowering way “…And of what good can I be to myself now?”

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