Archive for February, 2012

Of What Good…

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

The issue of being ‘remembered’ or ‘recognised’ burns brightly in the hearts of most people. It’s not a selfish desire. In fact I don’t try to label an honest desire within one’s heart as ‘selfish’, as they come from somewhere that is real to that individual.

I’ve had thoughts of how my life may look in the next few years, and even many years from now. I realise that the length of my life isn’t as important as the usefulness of it, and if I’m going to look back at 80yrs old and question my usefulness, I might as well do it now. Right?

It’s easy to get to this place, the place of wondering, questioning yourself. Are your motives pure, are your desires in check, are people going to benefit (especially family)…? All these questions are easy to ask. The problem is answering them. The hard part is your response to the questioning, because that’s where true character lies.

Part of what I ask myself now (since I’ll do it in 50 years time as well, and probably every few years between now and then) is this: How have I done so far?

This will be a mixed bag of sweets and poison, because you HAVE to address the issue of usefulness. I think it’s dangerous to try “do something new” without addressing what you’ve “done up until now”. And that’s going to be a source of pain sometimes, but also a valuable source of reality and wisdom to be learnt.

In my own life, I felt proud of some of the things I had achieved…until I had to address what I had ALLOWED. What we allow will determine the environment we live in, the way we are treated, and eventually what you believe of yourself! There were many things I wasn’t happy with in my life. The unfortunate truth is most of them, were things I LET happen. It would shatter me at times (as it would anybody facing the hard facts) that a lot of the things I complained about were actually MY fault.

It led me to ask this question: Of what good..?

Of what good were those thought processes that I believed would keep me out of trouble? Of what good was my decision not to confront the things that bothered me deep in my heart? Of what was it to act as though things are fine, and yet have imaginary arguments in my head with the people that were disrupting my stability?

Then finally: Of what good would it be to change my life, and yet NOT change my mind?

That was the proverbial “final nail in the coffin”. What’s the point? Changing my life, heading in a new direction, trying something different – if I don’t address the biggest problem I have.. Myself!

It makes a large difference when you HONESTLY trace the faults in your life.
– So what if that friend turned out to be a total ass! YOU were the one that kept trying to change them!
– You found out your job had no future? Well what took you so long to leave?? What??? You’re STILL THERE???!!!
– Your family were abusive before you were even born! So why on earth are you acting as though they’re going to stop just because you’re hurting? That’s what they’re good at! Stop accepting it and either move out or slap somebody! (If they’re smaller than you! Hahahaha!)

I’d love to tell you that if you just make new decisions it would be easy. Truth is you probably need a new MIND! People say the phrase “I changed my mind” quite often. It is a possibility, but it’s not easy at all!

Maybe you need to ask yourself: Honestly, of what good have I been to myself up until now?

Come on. Ask!

Over.

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