Alone in the Dark (Part 1)

Posted: March 5, 2011 in Dark Corners
Tags: ,

As I start this, there’s a really distinct feeling that comes over The Maze. Depression is far too familiar. As I traverse the halls of my own Maze, I have seen many dark corridors, and hit many dead ends. The worst ones are those that leave you feeling like there’s no way out. After trying so many times, you see this wall in front of you, but there’s no longer any reflex to turn around and find another way. There’s no feeling that “things will get better”… No thoughts of “what if I go back and turn left this time?”..
Nope!! All you feel is: this is it!

Having seen this on more the one occasion, The Maze can be sure of one thing: it will take something special to get out because the momentum for movement is lost, the desire to discover is spent, and most of all, depression is setting in. All you see around you is hopeless. It’s in this place – no – it’s in this state that many find themselves in when they take a wrong turn, or when life presents some confusing paths for us to follow…and with nobody to show us the best way (which is usually the case unless you know everything…in which case you get it all right…which means your life must be boring!), mistakes are inevitable. Those mistakes may be the way we respond to a hard situation, or the emotionally charged (but rationally deficient) decisions we make about what the situation means for us. They could also be the people we choose to relate with during specifically sensitive seasons, people who only facilitate more pain, who enable the darkness around you, opening the doors for it to enter you even more. Whatever the case, whoever the people, for whatever the reason, when you are in the dark, you are alone! You don’t see or hear anything else, because there is nothing else. No love, no hope, not even anxiety, not even fear. Maybe initially, but the dark wants to leave you numb, and its ultimate goal to leave you STUCK!

Ever play that game “stuck in the mud”? Almost a twisted “tag”game. Once you were ‘stuck’, you needed someone else to come free you. Simple premise, yet a vastly broad principle. When you find yourself alone in the dark, you’re gonna need some help. The quicker the better. First of all though, you need to learn how to call for help, and this is hampered by ‘dark tendencies’: acting like everything is fine! The darkness is wherever you are, the ‘mud’ has you planted in one spot, stuck in ‘repeat’ mode…replaying the same actions to everyone over and over again to seem normal, and replaying the same thoughts over and over again that are closing them up. “I failed…I can’t do this anymore…What was I thinking?… There’s nothing left for me in this life…I’m nobody…they don’t really see me, only the shell I’ve become!” And so the loop will play incessantly, because in the mud, you’re limited… In the dark, there’s only so much you can do ‘safely’. You’re in ‘minimum risk’ mode.

Well, one of the biggest reasons is fear, on many levels. There is the obvious fear of rejection. Basically a fear that whomever you’re seeking assistance from, will let you down. This is understandable because you never really know how somebody might respond to your issue. This is compounded as your silence continues, because it is harder to be sure of a positive response the longer you are quiet about it!

There is also a deeper level to this initial fear, one that I believe is more of a self-defense mechanism. The fear that help could make things worse! I know you’ve wondered about that, “what if I’m betrayed..what if they make it harder for me…what if they leave me mid-process, that would really make me a hard person”. Basically this level deals with your ability to trust others. This is a specifically tough one, because you already know you need someone to help you out, a voice that can help you feel your way out of your dead-end, but your silence, your performance of life as usual is screaming one thing: YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYONE ENOUGH!

Great way to end a blog right? Wrong? Well, I’m ending it here. This was the wind-up to the good stuff…

We’re gonna talk about trust! Go on to Part 2 of this post, and find out what I think of this ‘thing’ everyone struggles with (actually it’s probably just you).

See you in Part 2!!

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