Archive for March, 2011


Having a helping hand in life is vital to success. If there’s anything that is more and more true with every breath you take, is that you can’t make it to where you want to go without some help! In all honesty, “self-made” successes aren’t as frequent as we think they are. I’ve talked to many of these big-shots, and one thing rings true: they had help.

It’s never just about wanting something, much more plays out in aid or detriment to your future. (You might want to check out my post “Future Factors” for more on this) There are always more and more ‘players’ to consider in today when it comes to your life, making it so easy to be distracted. You must learn to prioritize these ‘players’ in your life really well. Some are completely dependant on you, others are outside of your control, but you can get them to work in your favour.

I’ve identified two players I believe you can prioritize as a team. I call them the Tag-Team of Purpose! Let’s name them and see how they work so well together.

Player 1: DECISION.

This is the player you control.  Another word you could you use here is choice. For any kind of progress to take place in your life, it should happen on the foundation of a decision. You decide what dream you go after; you decide which people stay or go in your life; you decide what skills you build. The power of decision is immense and sometimes – if not most times – taken for granted.

Some of us tend to live our lives like certain things are decided for us. Yes, to an extent you are exposed to situations that had nothing to do with you. You have no choice in what family you’re born into, or what economy you live in (this is supposing you cannot afford to move to a new place). Some of these things are not our choice. However, there aren’t as many of these as we think. You can decide what you put your energy into. You can decide which people to expose yourself to. Yes, there are elements of life we can’t control, but I’m talking about the ones we can. The books we read, the influences we have…all of these add up to our movement in purpose.

Decisions have this ability to branch off into more decisions. For me to decide on starting this blog ,for instance, I also had to decide what direction it would take, who I’d like to appeal to, how much time I spend on it, how often I post a blog, what times work best for me to focus on it, what negative effects I’m willing to endure (like the late nights) for the sake of the goals I have set, of which the goals are all separate decisions, and the deadlines for those goals, and I think you get the message.

In that last paragraph, I hope you realise that ALL those things were up to me! Nobody else. That was just about this blog. And let me tell you, this blog is a branch of OTHER decisions I have made about my life!

Yet sometimes, things happen to us, despite what we want or believe. These events also have a pretty cool ability, a ‘power’ if you will. Whether we like the events or not, they introduce the other half of out Tag-Team. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the ring:

Player 2: OPPORTUNITY!

Yes that pesky event has got another name. The tragedies and mishaps are actually a disguise. The people you’ve encountered are representatives of this member of Team Purpose… Opportunity.

May I present you with the idea that most if not all events that you experience are merely Opportunity in disguise! Yes, even some of the worst things that have ever happened to you, were opportunities for you. How do I know? Because I have heard this phrase almost a million times: “If I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t know what I know now“. Have you ever said that? Or maybe this: “Even though [insert event here] was really hard, I’m now stronger because of it”.

Events and situations have the ability to morph our power of decision into something we call Response. What we experience is out of our control, but what that experience means is purely within the realm of our decision, and that resulting decision is what we term a response. How we respond, will be determined on how we perceive our experiences. This perception can change over time. For example, a tragic death in the family will lead to hurt, sorrow, sense of loss… Those are natural responses because our immediate perception is “this person is gone..what am I gonna do without them..My heart is broken..we all depended on them so much, where do we go now..?”. This is what you’ll go through (and probably much more) in your first thoughts of this event.

What could happen – and I say ‘could’, because it’s a choice – is that eventually you see this as an opportunity to grow. You choose to focus on the good memories, you choose to do positively in someone else’s life what you lost family member did in yours, you choose to remember the lessons you learnt, and even discover new lessons within those memories… Tragedy has turned to Opportunity! The event had nothing to do with you, it just kinda happened…and yet when Decision became response, you tagged in Opportunity. You chose to look at life’s events a certain way and let it be a benefit to you and not a hinderance!

So why do these two players work so well? I believe that you have massive potential to make brilliant decisions that lead you closer to your life’s purpose…but you need HELP. Opportunity provides you with that help, to make decisions that lead you closer to your goals.

In life, you can decide anything you want, but we’re not always aware of that ability, because we can be distracted by the events. In order to help us navigate these events, life presents us with Opportunities, to further decide how to move forward, to point us in the right direction. The people you meet bring opportunities, the places you go bring opportunities… It’s how you respond that makes the difference, and that response is a decision!

Will you decide to treat people better no matter who they are? One of them might be an angel in disguise, coming into your life with an opportunity. Can you stop blaming government or your parents for where you are? Whatever the case, you can still decide where you want to go.

That’s the Tag-Team of Purpose: Decision and Opportunity! They work well together, and can’t be separated!

Which team do you choose?

Over

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SHORTCUT: Thought on Awareness

Posted: March 25, 2011 in SHORTCUTS
Tags: ,

Our surroundings are quite easy to miss. I remember realising just how much skips our attention, and that there are so many mini and major events taking place around us constantly. They might not matter ultimately, but some are priceless, and could change the course of your future!

On any trip you can decide on one of two focuses: the Destination, or the Journey.
Doing either exclusively is not a bad thing. The Destination focus keeps you set on something, it also keeps OUT distraction. Good, right? The Journey focus makes life around you magical.. It’s the ‘scenic route’. Anything and everything goes, cos its just about the experience. Every feeling and thought must be explored.

See, two focuses. I’d like to present a third: Relevance. It brings a combination of both. You have your destination in mind, but you also know to be AWARE of what’s around you. This awareness allows you to seek out experiences relevant to the destination. It isn’t as clear cut as it seems, but you can genuinely explore what is happening around you. All it is, is connecting back to your destination.

I believe that life is happening all around you. Take some time to smell the roses, meet people…you might make discoveries that lead you closer to your destination, or even things that bring more light to where you’re going… Making it a more exciting venture, and feeding you with energy. Your dreams are probably wrapped up in exploration

Your life could improve greatly if you learn Relevance. It gives you freedom with focus.

Who doesn’t want that?

Shortcut!

Over


And the award for “Most Random Title” goes to… Well, maybe it’s not THE most random title for a blog, but it definitely captures the essence of the message I’m going to convey (which is the job of any title actually…in case you were wondering). Thinking of all the activity most of us take part in, is quite mind-blowing. We wake up…dress up…eat up…work up (ok that didn’t work)…talk to people…make decisions…feel emotions…desire…detest…etc! It’s an absolute smorgasboard of activity; all of it is a choice of some kind, driven by some…thing. What is that ‘thing’? What is the motivating factor in all of this stuff we call a ‘life’? Well to answer this I’m about to do something none of us (who are human and think rationally) likes to hear: I’m about to answer a question with a question!

I believe in all that we do, we can ask a simple question, which will answer my previous one. I’m sure you’ve all heard it before, and have all thought about it before. When you do anything, consider anything, or even after going through some event, you’ve probably asked this question:

What’s the POINT?

What drives us? The point. What motivates us? The point. What is that ‘thing’? Well I don’t know, i just found it there! All activity has a point. If you were to look at a map to find out where you want to go, you would look for…you guessed it: a point. Any ‘point’ that motivates us, is actually a destination we would like to get to. In fact, ‘destination’ could easily be a synonym for the point, as it encapsulates what we’re trying to achieve in whatever we do, we’re trying to get to a destination in our lives. This destination is the reality we hope to create through our activity.

Now, previously I stated that all activity has a point. That’s the easy part. Everything you do in your life, big or small, has an end to it, and everybody is just doing stuff! There’s lots of activity taking place today. Look around you… Life is action-packed! The hustle and bustle is everywhere, even when you have tough times, they come with their own set of actions to perform. Whether you like it or not, you’re always doing something. Even when you’re doing nothing, you’re doing something. I see people moving, talking, thinking, working…some even sleep! The lives we lead are full of activity, and all activity has a point.

With so much going on, sometimes I wonder: how many of us even know the point of all that we do? Have you defined the point? This is something to ponder on greatly, because there’s a whole lot you probably do for better or for worse, but do you know which is which? It’s important to think about this because all activity has a point, therefore all activity has a destination! It isn’t easy to keep track of our ‘points’, but in this day, it’s easy to lose track. Sometimes, you understand you’ve just got to get into the grind for a while, or really focus on something for a season; I just ask myself sometimes (admittedly more recently than previously…even The Maze learns!), “What is the point?” Like I’ve said, EVERYBODY’S doing SOMETHING, and though realising that all activity has a destination, that’s the easy part. What grabs me is this next statement, and this is the hard part:

Not all activity takes us to the point we want to be!

It’s easy to get caught in the trap of “pointless action”. Now, nothing is truly ‘pointless’, but many things we do probably have no defined points to them. Please don’t get me wrong, there are also things that aren’t so life-defining that they warrant a ‘point’. Some conversations are just fun, or a way to pass the time; some events are just for the moment; even some people in our lives are just…there (you KNOW I’m telling the truth)! I’m not asking you to become legalistic in your pursuit of a ‘pointed life’, what I am asking however is that you pay more attention to your activity. Massive amounts of time are spent living in ‘auto-pilot’, and if you’re not careful your plane could land somewhere you never expected!

Tip: ENGAGE YOUR LIFE AGAIN!

You probably need to make some changes, big and small, but mostly small. I say that because it’s small things that make major differences over time. If you can connect your ‘points’, they will lead you somewhere you want to be.

Why engage? Well, I’m about to do something you probably don’t like, and I’ve done it earlier in this post: answer a question with a question… Why do so many people have desires, and yet so few reach them? I mean, everybody’s doing something… It’s just that most of it is possibly ‘pointless’. Action-packed lives, complete with waking up and going to sleep, but no defined point!

Do your life a favour:

GET TO THE POINT!

Over.

Letting Go

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Paths To Conquer
Tags: , , ,

If there is anything you will struggle with no matter how stable/rich/happy/wise you are, it’s ‘letting go’. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship gone sour, a divorce, the demise of a project you put everything into…this fact of life will haunt you without prejudice! It catches you by surprise sometimes like life carrying on as usual, then in a single moment your stability is swept away from you! Sometimes, it makes you suffer in the agony of knowing it will come like a close family member suffering from an illness for months before they pass away. Yet at other times it can taunt you like a pending decision from a court case in which you are the defendant. Whichever way it comes, the resulting reality is that it forcefully removes something/someone in your life that was part of what you became comfortable with.

That is exactly why it’s so hard, because we ‘settle in’ to people and environments and can’t imagine what it would be like without them. Literally, your mind will not have the imagination or the capacity to paint a reliable picture of what the experience would be like to carry on without that entity.

(N.B. when I say ‘imagine’ I’m also including the emotions, and thoughts that come with the reality you’re trying to picture. It is important to note this as you continue reading.)

Ladies, when he loves you and says “I can’t imagine my life without you”, he actually can’t! What he’s telling you is “I’ve got no clue what my heart would feel or how my everyday experience would be without your part in it. I’ve settled in the thought of you being present so much that it’s now an inextricable truth of my mind that you are here! I’m not so clever – or so heartless – that I could extract you mentally from my life, without coming to a mental block, a dark place that has no definition and doesn’t require one. If i put ‘without you’ into my life’s equation right now, my systems would crash!”

Ok, that was extremely soppy, but I think you get the message. And YES it works both ways too, in case any of you thought I was chauvinist. We can get so comfortable with family, friends, work environments, items of furniture, even TV programmes…to the extent that removing them is never a conscious option in our minds, and even if we tried, we’d hit that mental brick wall! Ten times out of ten! In some cases, it’s necessary to remove that entity, yet the brick wall stops us, refusing to let us see what the chances are that life could actually just…..go on. In some cases, you can’t stop the event from happening. People die. Economies change. Presidents come and go…well at least most of them. STUFF HAPPENS! Your control of life beyond yourself is at a permanent low. There will always be a loved one that passes on, or a friend that becomes distant, or a test you don’t score well in, or a job you’ll lose, or a series that’s cancelled (Heroes). Whether its one, a combination of, or all of these things, something will happen to you that disrupts your comfort. And it will be so hard because for better or for worse, because you can’t imagine life beyond what you’re comfortable with! You can maybe paint a picture, but you won’t easily recreate the experience in your mind. The brick wall is strong, it’s been there for millennia, causing anomalies of some kind in every life and every place.

People in abusive situations will stay after a while, because somewhere along the line, they could no longer imagine a life without abuse. The wall was put up, brick by brick, and so they settle in to a life of abuse, saying to it “I can’t imagine life without you!” Successful people become even more successful as they continue their lives, because a wall was built against failure. They look at success and say “I can’t imagine life without you!” Mediocre minds stay exactly where they are because they have become immune to the desires of success, or the depths  of failure. They are stuck in the middle, and they say to that existence, “I can’t imagine life without you!”

In fact, you’d be shocked at what your mind has settled with. Style of clothing, types of entertainment, genres of books (or none at all), colours, climates, sounds…..the list is endless. Your life has built its own mansion full of the people and things you’ve settled with! If just one item is missing, no matter how insignificant, life is just not the same anymore. Losing anything destroys your carefully crafted balance. That balance is what you and I know more commonly as our comfort zones. More on that in another blog. What I’m showing you is that with all these ‘comforts’, letting go of something is inevitable. Sometimes it’s good to let go where it is destructive, sometimes it’s bad for you where it’s helping…but all times, it’s hard! Literally you are letting go of a part of yourself, because you put that thing into your ‘mansion’, you decided which room it would sit in and who could see it. What’s worse, is you built that brick wall that protected it so well!

Letting go of someone you love, or of something you’ve created, will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience. Not only is there a brick wall, there’s the investment lost. This investment is everything (money, emotions, time, imagination…etc) you’ve put into the relationship or venture. It’s hard to let go because you also have to let go of all you put in. Time is a tough investment to let go of. Years can literally disappear before your eyes. Hope is an investment, that allows you to build expectations for something to happen a certain way. Letting go of all the plans you had, is also intensely hard, because those plans are what you chose, despite all the options you had. It’s hard to let go because it sometimes leaves you wondering “what was the point? All that time… All those emotions… All those plans… What was the point?”

An investment lost of any kind can lead to a type of regret, even if the circumstances surrounding the loss were impossible to avoid or predict. It’s easy to feel as though you would have been better off without putting in the investment. Let me give you a quote I once read:

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

Whatever comes to an end in your life, be grateful you had the experience. It’s easy to hold on. You don’t need anyone to teach you that. You breathe everyday of your life simply because your very biology is holding on to life. Holding on is almost reflex when you think about it. Even long after something’s over, we hold on by looking back to the past. There’s a way of doing this that appreciates the experience for what it taught you, or even to help others, but for the most part, we do this in the negative way. The way that makes us long for that place again. The latter method is unhealthy, and keep you stuck in the past. Here’s another interesting quote I read about this:

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. – Michael Cibenko

Wow! The future could run out on us? This shows me that if we don’t let go, the investment continues, we put time, emotions, and hopes into something that’s already gone! How stupid must THAT look from a spectator’s point of view? The thing about putting time into something, is that you can never get that time back! It’s NEVER coming back! All that time thinking, wishing, living like you’re unlucky, staying in depression…IT’S NEVER COMING BACK! You’re putting your money into a fake bank account, all that’s gonna happen is you’ll discover you’ve been cheated! Can I tell you something else? You’re the one that set up that bank account (Ouch! This is painful..!!).

Your experiences, once they have past, have only a few good uses…all of which revolve around educating you. If used wisely, being able to let go, and see the value in the lessons learnt more than the pain felt, you could become an immensely wise and insightful individual. Letting go allows you to redecorate your inner mansion, breathe new life into you, and bring back that sense of possibility and wonder.

You owe it to your future to let go!

By accepting a person or a dream into your heart, you made a choice that this was it. You settled, and left possibility outside. This is fine because we make choices. But when you lose something important to you, don’t be foolish and leave possibility outside still! Get out there and discover what your heart truly desires again. You might even need to build an entirely new mansion! That’s an exciting adventure, just waiting for you….

…waiting for you, to let go.

Over.


Fear has a crippling effect on any individual. It can silence you immediately, and even permanently. On top of that, it has this strange ability to morph your entire reality into some hellish existence! I’m telling you, if Fear was an ‘X-men’ character, it would be the one that made you say “they have cool powers, but THAT guy freaks me out completely!” (actually I think there is a character named ‘Fear’ in the X-men! Glad its just a comic.) It can consume you so much that what you see is not what actually is. That’s a scary thought! For a bunch of people – maybe even you – the lives they’re experiencing are the product of their own fears!

The problem is that Fear is a great distractor! It’s the equivalent of that really hot looking guy/girl you see at the mall, who gets you dreaming of all the ‘possibilities’, then you realise you’ve wasted your time and missed about 100 more possible possibilities! How does Fear achieve this? It plays out all these scenarios of failure, falling, rejection, destruction or even death! Even though the last two are pretty similar, Fear makes them look different! You start defining in your imagination, just how bad it could get if you don’t pass, or say the right thing, or wear the right clothes, or make the right decision… You’re filled with all these ‘possibilities’, but none of them have any bearing on your life  right now. Fear blinds you to the biggest possibility you have in front of you: SUCCESS!

This is where Dreaming comes into play, as it also brings with it, ‘possibilities’. But these are of a different kind. Dreams paint the sort of pictures that fly in the face of failure, laughing out loudly (loling) as it fades into the horizon of reality. When I speak of Dreams, I speak of those desires in your heart that just excite you. That’s one of the cool things about them, they excite us, because they involve only us! You see, Fear brings in all these agents and ingredients that are all beyond your control (eg a person who doesn’t like you, or the environment you’re in), but a Dream, is ALL YOU! You being a success, you making the right decisions, you achieving your goals…everything in a Dream is determined by, and revolves around… you guessed it: YOU!

You make your success… You make the right choices… You unlock the potential within… You find the strength to make things happen! With a Dream, it’s all on you! Sure, there are relationships that help along the way, but only if you are in the right state of awareness. There will definitely be situations you have no control over that will affect you, but you have to make the right decisions about how you move forward. When you have a Dream, not even the hardships of life can excuse you! As bad as they can be, they only leave behind memories, not disasters!

Dreaming is quite daring, because life has so many loopholes to get through, unexpected turns, and even people who don’t like you. It’s daring because the world offers ample examples of people who want, but don’t get, those who desire, but don’t achieve. However, with all these facts, where would we be without Dreams? It was someone’s Dream to go to the moon. I mean, who dreamed up skinny jeans anyways? Everything we touch and use is someone’s Dream come true.

And there is the place many people fail to arrive: a Dream come true.

You have a responsibility to your Dream. Like a good parent, you need to nurture your Dream, allow it to grow. You even have to change things about yourself to accommodate this Dream. That isn’t easy, but it is necessary. Fear works against these processes of bringing a Dream to life, because if it’s a distractor, then it’s also a delayer. Sounds a lot like ‘Delilah’, you know…the chick from the Bible, who cut Samson’s hair, making him lose all his strength?? THAT Delilah! Watch out for that chick, cos she’s HOT! Fear will sap you of your energy, putting all your creative juices into failures and not successes. Your Dream requires focus, priority, forward thinking and flexibility. You’ll need to be in it for the long haul my friend. As you do what is necessary, your Dream rewards you, opening up doors, birthing relationships, and teaching you lessons. You mature as you grow in your Dream.

Mature Dreamers. Those are the ones whose Dreams come true! They may experience Fear, but don’t allow it to delay or distract them.

Those who fear, don’t dare!

I dare you!

DREAM!


So let’s deal with trust, because its pivotal to your life actually. I’ve heard that “trust is earned”, you must “work to be trusted”. These phrases  are interesting for one reason: They put the entire responsibility of building trust on one person, the other guy! Where are YOU in all this talk of trust? Aren’t you the one who does the trusting? Yes of course the other person plays a part in completing the equation, but it starts with you, and the resultant answer to that equation is in you! So, I propose a new statement for this thing we call trust.

Trust is an opportunity you give to another person. It’s the empowering of an individual to take part in your life.

It’s not something that starts outside of you, people are different in different in different situations. So you must provide the situation! You must be the one to let them enter that space in your life. Often when we give access to people without realising it, that’s when we’re hurt the most. With this method though, you are fully aware of what’s happening, it’s taken place with your conscious consent. You’re refusing to be stuck alone in the dark, and not waiting for a stranger, or some anomalous relationship that pops out of nowhere with a big bang, sweeping your heart up in rapturous emotions only to be let down gently….no….thrown down hard! Your heart is YOUR responsibility! Nobody else’s. Should someone be doing anything there, it should be because YOU wanted them there, not because they ‘worked’ their way in. You let them in THEN they work!

Revolutionary right? Well here’s the next part I’m going to throw at you.

You are the ONLY way someone will learn how to be trusted by you, so you must teach a person how to be trusted by you.

This is the same in any kind of relationship. It’s to your advantage that this person(s) learns what standards you accept. You must be have a PhD in your own heart! Many people fail at friendships or relationships, not because they were misunderstood, but because they were terrible at communicating themselves. It’s easy to blame the next person, but the next person is sometimes following the script you feed them! Hard truths, but you need to know this, or else you will be ALONE FOREVER! You might be surrounded by people, you may even get married, but you’ll always know there’s a part of you that’s unknown by the rest of the world (because you never showed them…but you’ll never admit that. It’s all their fault…right?).

Therefore, ‘alone’ is a mental state more than a physical one. That’s why you can still feel isolated in a crowd. It’s that blindness to the rest of the world, the dead end right in front of you, and all around you, the failure to see any correlation between your current surroundings (physically and emotionally), and your desired path/destination.

As you grant a friend or loved one that opportunity, understand there’s room for mistakes. I doubt you’ve ever treated anyone perfectly. What should liberate you is this: you are there to help them help you!

Your fear of being hurt, or led astray, is somewhat realistic, because all of that is possible… But think of this: how much better are your chances if the person helping you had expert knowledge of the way your heart works and what it needs to move forward? You are that expert. Teach them!

You will invariably come to dark places in your life, but it could be an opportunity for you to realise that you don’t have to be alone for long. The darkness can be navigated – with help!

No dead end is permanent. Unless you allow it to be. Someone’s willing to catch you when you’re falling. If you’re fortunate, there’ll be many to make sure you don’t hit rock bottom.

Become an expert on YOU, and you will be able to train up your help, for those times you can’t help yourself.

Remember “stuck in the mud”? You have to help your friends get to you. They want you free so that the game can continue. If you stay stuck, your friends and family also lose! Whatever led you to the dark corners, may have been hard, or even absolutely destructive, but your life is still here on this Earth, you deserve to move on, not by virtue of morality or feeling, but by virtue of being ALIVE!

Over.

Alone in the Dark (Part 1)

Posted: March 5, 2011 in Dark Corners
Tags: ,

As I start this, there’s a really distinct feeling that comes over The Maze. Depression is far too familiar. As I traverse the halls of my own Maze, I have seen many dark corridors, and hit many dead ends. The worst ones are those that leave you feeling like there’s no way out. After trying so many times, you see this wall in front of you, but there’s no longer any reflex to turn around and find another way. There’s no feeling that “things will get better”… No thoughts of “what if I go back and turn left this time?”..
Nope!! All you feel is: this is it!

Having seen this on more the one occasion, The Maze can be sure of one thing: it will take something special to get out because the momentum for movement is lost, the desire to discover is spent, and most of all, depression is setting in. All you see around you is hopeless. It’s in this place – no – it’s in this state that many find themselves in when they take a wrong turn, or when life presents some confusing paths for us to follow…and with nobody to show us the best way (which is usually the case unless you know everything…in which case you get it all right…which means your life must be boring!), mistakes are inevitable. Those mistakes may be the way we respond to a hard situation, or the emotionally charged (but rationally deficient) decisions we make about what the situation means for us. They could also be the people we choose to relate with during specifically sensitive seasons, people who only facilitate more pain, who enable the darkness around you, opening the doors for it to enter you even more. Whatever the case, whoever the people, for whatever the reason, when you are in the dark, you are alone! You don’t see or hear anything else, because there is nothing else. No love, no hope, not even anxiety, not even fear. Maybe initially, but the dark wants to leave you numb, and its ultimate goal to leave you STUCK!

Ever play that game “stuck in the mud”? Almost a twisted “tag”game. Once you were ‘stuck’, you needed someone else to come free you. Simple premise, yet a vastly broad principle. When you find yourself alone in the dark, you’re gonna need some help. The quicker the better. First of all though, you need to learn how to call for help, and this is hampered by ‘dark tendencies’: acting like everything is fine! The darkness is wherever you are, the ‘mud’ has you planted in one spot, stuck in ‘repeat’ mode…replaying the same actions to everyone over and over again to seem normal, and replaying the same thoughts over and over again that are closing them up. “I failed…I can’t do this anymore…What was I thinking?… There’s nothing left for me in this life…I’m nobody…they don’t really see me, only the shell I’ve become!” And so the loop will play incessantly, because in the mud, you’re limited… In the dark, there’s only so much you can do ‘safely’. You’re in ‘minimum risk’ mode.

Well, one of the biggest reasons is fear, on many levels. There is the obvious fear of rejection. Basically a fear that whomever you’re seeking assistance from, will let you down. This is understandable because you never really know how somebody might respond to your issue. This is compounded as your silence continues, because it is harder to be sure of a positive response the longer you are quiet about it!

There is also a deeper level to this initial fear, one that I believe is more of a self-defense mechanism. The fear that help could make things worse! I know you’ve wondered about that, “what if I’m betrayed..what if they make it harder for me…what if they leave me mid-process, that would really make me a hard person”. Basically this level deals with your ability to trust others. This is a specifically tough one, because you already know you need someone to help you out, a voice that can help you feel your way out of your dead-end, but your silence, your performance of life as usual is screaming one thing: YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYONE ENOUGH!

Great way to end a blog right? Wrong? Well, I’m ending it here. This was the wind-up to the good stuff…

We’re gonna talk about trust! Go on to Part 2 of this post, and find out what I think of this ‘thing’ everyone struggles with (actually it’s probably just you).

See you in Part 2!!