SHIFT HAPPENS

Recently, a few truths have hit me quite hard. A one of those truths is that there are a few things in life we cannot avoid. Try as you may, they will always happen to you, affect you, or even define you. One such inescapable (new favourite word) situation we will all face is CHANGE. Each of us ‘shifts’ in one way or another in every season of our lives. Whether the change is great or unnoticeable, it is going to happen. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

But I’m sure you’ve heard statements like “you haven’t changed at all”, or “I’m never gonna change”. Of course such idealistic and unfortunately simplistic noughts and observations really betray what is a fundamental part of any living entity. If you are alive, there’s no way you can’t change. You must change! Heck, if you thought you were undisciplined with your body when you were alive…just wait until you’re dead! Your body can’t wait to deteriorate and decompose. Now, if only we could do that with our weight huh?

Who am I?

I am a singer. I am a teacher. I am a pastor. I am a writer.

Funny how when you are asked “who are you?”, we tend to default to “what I do”, instead of “who I am”. This has plagued my thinking for all my short life of thirty years, and I’ve added and subtracted so many “I am’s” that you could easily accuse me of having split personalities…with split personalities.

Resolution Reality Check: 3 Reasons Your Resolutions Will FAIL!

Enter: New Year’s Resolutions!

This resolution was S.M.A.R.T.!

Nothing fascinates me more around this time of year than to hear all the promises being made, and wondering which words were changed from the last time they were made a year ago. “I’m gonna work out” changed to “I’m really gonna work out”! The inclusion of the word “really” was the missing link the year before, and must be the reason it didn’t work out… Pun intended.

Let’s be honest. Your resolutions are probably not going to survive. Life happens. You won’t want to admit it now, but if I posted this in 6 months to check (maybe I’ll do something like that), you’d realise you’re not doing what you had set out to do, and even if things have changed, it wouldn’t be the way you planned.

I’m gonna give you a 3 REASONS WHY YOUR RESOLUTIONS WILL MOST LIKELY FAIL! Yes, I said FAIL! And I’m sure there are far more than just 3 reasons…

Missed…

But… It says “Pull”..! How the… Huh??

As the year starts to wind down, you begin to reflect on what has happened, what you wish had happened, and for some of us, how we respond to what has happened. It’s all very straightforward really, and is usually a precursor to the famed “New Year’s Resolutions” that we’re so addicted to.

This kind of reflection is important to your progress, as it may reveal things that you can learn from, or clearer ways of defining yourself going into the next stage of your life, whatever that stage may be (new year, new job, new year at the job…). The learning possibilities cannot be overstated. It’s a necessary exercise for the concerned and “living” human being.

One thing I stumbled across in this mental exercise of reviewing my life was this: I missed a lot of opportunities.

Now let me say that it’s impossible to know how good or bad a choice would’ve been, if you never made that choice…but you’ll always wonder. Won’t you?

Well, I know I did.

I realised that there were so many unopened doors in the hallways of my existence. Some had good reason to be closed. Some had warning signs “DO NOT OPEN!!!”. More were closed only because it wasn’t the right time to deal with them (but I still peek once in a while). I’ve even written about “Closed Doors” before!

Yet, with all this definition going on, there were some that were closed for really no reason except that I just didn’t open them. The time came when my journey led me past them, but I never ventured beyond acknowledging the existence of the door. The mere existence of an opportunity.

That’s what each door represents really. Opportunities. And many, if they’re left unopened, can never be opened later. Somehow the handles are broken off and the wood is sandpapered such that there’s no visible way to open them, or get any leverage to pry them open. They are no longer doors, but you know they once were.

We have so many reasons for letting things slip away, and these reasons become the justification for letting such moments pass without a real response from you. But I’m sure you’ll find so many situations where you simply didn’t do anything about it…or just didn’t do enough.

It could be an opportunity at work that you had to apply for, but somehow the submission date just came and went.
Or it might be a conversation you were meant to have with someone, but when the moment came, you just….didn’t.
What about the idea you wanted to write down. Remember?? Of course you don’t. You didn’t write it down.

It’s easy to want a certain kind of life, my question would be: are you making the decisions, and taking the opportunities that would most likely lead you to that life?

I could see how some of these doors might have changed my financial situations. My relational situations. My personal emotional situations. Basically, I might have been slightly or vastly different. I might not have changed at all. You’d probably see that too if you can remember what that door represented. And you’ll probably find many of them littered throughout your life.

And curiosity is unfortunately quite insatiable, so “what if” questions are always meant to be avoided as I’ve been told. But what if (!!!) you should ask? What if you need to look back and ask yourself why you missed an opportunity? What if you can learn more about yourself from understanding why you let some things pass you by than from what you pay attention to?

I wonder about that now, and it’s quite revealing. I’m also seeing that some doors, should they come again in another way later down the hallway of life, should NOT be missed ever again! Some opportunities must not be missed anymore, but if you’re not aware that you’re missing them, I guess this post is either a wake-up call or a waste of time.

If there’s one thing worse than a Nightmare remembered, it’s a Dream forgotten!

So, why not wonder (not for an overly extended time, enough just to get you thinking) what opportunities you’ve missed. Why did you miss them? Would you miss them again? Do you care? Are you an Alien?

Now let me say again, that it’s impossible to know how good or bad a choice would’ve been, if you never made that choice…

But you’ll always wonder: “What was really behind that door..?”

Won’t you…?

Door… No Handle.
Opportunity… Missed.

Over.

Re:VISION

As time passes in our lives we get to points of transition. Either something’s coming to an end, or something new is starting; maybe it could be a success or a failure; or it could just simply be a point at which a really serious decision needs to be made. Whatever that point looks like for you, it’s an important one because it plays a role in literally shaping your life or character, and its moments like these where sometimes we have to look back over where we’ve been and who we’ve become.

The True Price of Weak Leadership

There are many ways I could structure this post. I could opt for an analytical approach, or a rant, or a commentary. Or I could just write. So I choose to write, about not only what weak leadership looks like, but also its impact on those who are submitted (“subjected” sounds better in this case) to it. In many ways I’ve witnessed some of this first-hand – dare I say in my own leadership ability – and it is shocking to see what it produces. I warn you, this post is dense.

The Necessity of Loneliness

Out here, surrounded by the sea of my own thoughts, I became!

Our need for approval and recognition as people is quite normal. We’re surrounded by humans most days of our lives, we have way more friends on Facebook than is logically necessary and we also have our own minds speaking in multiple directions. We are literally primed to desire relationship by the simple fact of our existence and to not have that flourishing looks like failure.

The Room

I sat in a room that sits in me,
Some call this room Reality.
It spun and twisted to bring me pictures
Of life beyond what my senses insisted
Revolving and dizzying my heart it rendered
Me helpless to decide on which path it ended.

I sat in a room that sits in me,
Some call this room Reality.
A dream turned live with the blink of an eye
Yet forgotten and replaced by a distracting high
With space to grow more than any place before
That I experienced in fullness for a few seconds, no more.

I sat in a room that sits in me,
I call this room Reality.
With journeys begun but never complete
It’s the story you start but never believe
Having you as the main character playing many roles
But you’re played by the roles without knowing your cause.

I sat in a room that sits in me,
I called this room Reality.
I opened its door, and unfortunately
Its label said Potentiality.

Finish Line!

Once you've crossed it.. You've crossed it!

Over the past two weeks I’ve attended quite a few graduation ceremonies. Seeing all the faces, smiles, photos, families, tears, celebrations, awkward moments, bloopers et al, got me thinking about “finish lines” quite a bit. Everybody wearing the special hat has crossed the finish line of their degree, and that warrants a moments of reflection, celebration…and sometimes even hangovers!

It would be really easy to nullify it all and say things like “Well now you better get a job… It’s just the start of a new race, don’t get too happy… So are you gonna do your honours/masters/doctorate?” and really bring things ‘back to reality’. But doing that too quickly would make you quite a strange person. We deceive ourselves with the fact that since we still have many races to go, we can’t take time out to soak in the current victory.

That’s bull!!!

You should absolutely go nuts!!!! Whether it’s your degree, finishing a book, or just getting your driver’s license, you must celebrate and enjoy every single moment that can when you’ve crossed a finish line. Of course there will be more to think about afterwards…but think about it afterwards. Most people are unhappy just simply because they never learnt to enjoy their victories. No matter how big or small, allow yourself a moment or even a whole bunch of moments where you can hear (from yourself and others) “Well done!!”

A finish line is important and should be recognised. Of course, life doesn’t end there, but life never gives you an opportunity to celebrate it. You’ll need to create those opportunities. It’s your responsibility to enjoy what’s happened in your life. You can invite people; have some wine by yourself; play really loud music… Or if you really deep, look in the mirror for a few minutes and say… “You’re amazing!”, then walk away. (That would make a cool movie scene).

Some finish lines come easy, but most don’t. You’ve probably kicked yourself a million times, dropped a few balls, or even given up and got back into it again. Just like your physical body, you need a kind of “break” from extreme exertion. Our minds need to settle, come to terms with the victories we’ve achieved. They say a highly effective person is always thinking of the next thing… They also say highly effective people are terribly stressed most times and don’t enjoy the psychological/emotional benefits of what they achieve. That’s like being a robot. You’re not a robot.

So stop trying to be one.

Like I said, life won’t give you a chance to celebrate. The reward for hard work, is usually MORE HARD WORK! So take a few seconds, or even a few days, to look at where you are, and acknowledge your finish lines. You’ll realise you’re probably not the loser you thought you were. In fact a person’s only a loser when their failures are more real to them than their victories. Victories are never absent, they’re just forgotten.

The finish lines you encounter might mostly be average in magnitude (like finishing an assignment; reaching a monthly target), but there are a few massive ones as well. Don’t let any go by unnoticed. Don’t allow the habit of not seeing just how truly great you are. You just might end up celebrating each and every single day of your life. You’re the only one running the race of your life, be sure you’re the one that makes a big deal about it.

Just don’t become a robot!

Over.

Love and Fantasy

Two words that seem to work well with each other don’t you think? Well at least according to a comment I heard this week that joined them both: “Love is a fantasy. The only real thing about it is the pain of when it’s over.”

First thing I thought was “poor guy”, because you really can’t say that unless you’re in some sort of emotional pain. However, it’s still an intriguing statement that was at least real to the person saying it, which made me ask: IS Love a Fantasy?

Indulge me for a little bit.

The word ‘love’ in and of itself carries so many different variations just in its definition. When a person says the word, its as unique to them in its meaning as their own DNA, because different people mean different things when they express the word. Every nuance of context changes its colour with infinite possibilities being presented. The one common thread you could derive is that ‘love’ points to a certain kind of care or preference of a person.

Try it for yourself. Ask 3 people this question: “When you say ‘I love you’ what does it mean to you?”
You’ll probably end up with something similar if you just ask it simply, but if you were to ask those people to elaborate, the differences start to become more clear.

Want to make this conundrum even worse? Fine. Think of what that means when 2 people declare ‘love’ to each other. What one SAYS, and what the other HEARS could be totally different. It could go like this between person A and person B:
A: “I purple you”
B: “Oh my gosh! I orange you too!”
A+B: “We’re in green with each other!”

See?! It can change from person to person. So when you throw in the Fantasy aspect, and you start to see an interesting phenomenon, because a Fantasy is a reality that only exists in one’s mind and isn’t experienced by anyone else, unless it’s shared through written/spoken medium (or some futuristic device that takes what one imagines and places it on a screen for all to see, and such a device could spread around the world so that people could pay to watch other people’s fantasies playing out on a large screen in rooms capable of allowing many to see it at the same time!!! Hmmm….).

So maybe, because this idea of ‘love’ is so unique to each person, and only truly understood by that person… It could therefore be that Love is in fact a Fantasy!

However if the two people understand it to be the same thing, does that make it a reality?

Nope! In that case, it’s a shared Fantasy, because beyond those two, nobody else gets it quite the same.

BUT WAIT! There’s hope for the hopeless romantic. All this talk is just talk. Fact is, Love has impacted this plane of existence for so long it really must be real. Think of all the poems, stories, histories, creations… Heck, even CHILDREN that have been born as a result of Love. Where would you fit all of that? I’m sure it could be real.

Think of all the people YOU Love. Is it possible that all that is just ‘in your head’? I doubt it.

There’s a certain ideology I’m after with this post. One that I’m sure you’ve heard, or at least have been impacted by. One that declares all truth is relative, all of society is just made up of beliefs and thoughts, and not concrete inescapable realities.

I could have easily left my arguement halfway, concluding that Love is indeed a Fantasy. It would’ve been a brilliant discovery for myself and may have even ‘explained’ some things for those reading. Unfortunately, that’s how easy it is for a worldview to be established these days. As simple as an incomplete idea.

The world is full of incomplete ideas jostling for the title of “Complete”, or more aptly “Ultimate”. Love, in its kaleidoscopic forms and features is so great, it just escapes us everytime we try to grasp it. It causes decisions to be made that shape futures into realities. Yes, it may share the qualities of a Fantasy, but it certainly can’t be JUST a Fantasy.

Love MUST be real

Either that or a very well-distributed Fantasy.

Over.